It’s the morning after the night I went to yoga class. I’m muching on chicken nuggets and romaine lettuce (crunchy, counters the saltiness), taking my time, feeling the warm soreness that I’m not sure what to do about, since it would feel good to stretch, but then I am planning to go to class again tomorrow morning. Do I stretch or rest?
My body says, rest. I give in, allowing for some time to write.
I went to yoga class last night and encountered my limits.
In dolphin pose, with the headstand in mind, the instructor asked me to walk forward. It didn’t make sense immediately because I was upside down, but I figured she meant to ask me walk towards where my feet were facing, which was, closer to my face. I felt my center move to the back of the crown of my head.
I learned later that my upper body was collapsing, so the effort needed was to resist the collapse by hardening my arms.
My arms felt way lighter than the rest of my body, and my head was just a passive body part whose job was to stay safe and centered.
How did I get here, in this place where my body mass is not just enough? What did I get used to that led me to this excessive accumulation?
Responding to Work Stress
When it’s stressful at work and I’m unable to manage it, I either resist the work, or rush the work. I lose my cool, set aside my well-being, and drop everything to finish the task.
I turn into a computer, a machine, a tool, a robot.
A robot can do tasks in bulk for a short amount of time. Human office workers aren’t robots, they’re humans who work in the office.
What could the body do to protect its owner from the stresses from work, from trying to perform like a robot? With the brain in charge, it fortifies itself. It gathers mass. It’s cozier, feels safer, more grounded.
Re-Thinking “Fast, and Hard“
I don’t believe my body wants to give itself a hard time.
It’s just that the “work fast, and hard” ethic that I observe when I try to perform like a robot seems to have spilled over to how I eat.
I learned to “eat fast, and hard,” taking in high volumes in limited periods of time.
I close my eyes, and visualize my body’s frame, my bones, and practice seeing my body mass being just enough, massive enough for me to feel healthy, not too heavy for me to carry. I imagine what it would look like, and feel like.
It is my intention to slow down, relax, push back against stress, and to trust that my human nature has mechanisms for wellness and healing.